WILL TO LIVE 12/09/21

The drama of trauma has been the centre stage of Delta variant in the last few weeks. The theme must surely be the will to live is greater than ignorant institutionalised racism.

I have an extreme reaction to the flu that's usually surfaced at the change of the season from summer to winter. The condition has only been effectively controlled by antibiotics. The last time the doctor refused to prescribe antibiotics, I had to take something else to ease the pain.

I was obsessed with the pain that the only thing I could think of is medicine and Panadol was the only choice available. I took Panadol but it was only working for a short time, so I kept on taking Panadol in short successions for a couple of hours until I became nauseated and vomiting.

I ended up in ED and was diagnosed as overdose with Panadol. The attending doctor took a while to figure out I wasn't trying to kill myself. She must have gone through the records that I am vulnerable to the flu and the usual treatment is antibiotic therapy. She must have also noticed that I wasn't prescribed antibiotics this time.

After a while I went home and the next day the doctor prescribed antibiotics.

Most diagnoses are based on the patient's experience and real symptoms. Well, information on disease and illness are collected from patients' diagnoses. But for some reason, the doctor did not follow the usual cause of action. And the result could have been a loss of life from overdose.

During my ordeal, I wasn't fearful or panicking that I ended up taking Panadol to save my life, I only wanted the pain to go away no matter what it takes. You could imagine the pain someone with a toothache goes through, but his/her pain is prolong for an unknown period of time because of financial reasons. You could say poor folks experience more pain than others.

When I saw the facial expression of that man on the webpage (I don't have a TV), I was going through my experience of pain. And I was thinking like someone who is abandoned in foreign land where no one understands you. They just look at you and have no idea of what's going on.

So, you somehow have this fear that if those people don't do something, you are going to die alone in your room. And fear and panic settles in. In that stage, you would raise your voice trying to get attention, but doesn't work. So you raise your voice some more and eventually get out of bed and do whatever.

And there you have it. The fear of dying alone without being understood is driven by the will to live; the man found someone who understands and care for his pain. Under the circumstances, the will to live cause the action that eased the man's fear and panic and he was attended to.

The will to live however may not have helped eased the pain of a toothache or the flu. But I noticed in my case, I wasn't panicking or fearful, I just wanted the pain to go away. And a near miss accident brought my relief but almost at a cost to my life.

The point is, when you have these feelings of fear, panic and pain means you are normal real human being. These feelings and senses are warning us when something is not right. The trouble is, some doctors take one look at you and decide there's nothing wrong with you.

And your fear builds up by a feeling of being abandoned in foreign land where no one cares or understands what you're going through. Sometimes when they do understand, you get a feeling that the reason why they neglect your feelings, your pain and your existence is because you are different from them. May be it's your culture, your ethnicity, age or gender. And the decision whether it's a doctor or other professional is based on stereotypical ignorant institutionalised racism.

Sometimes I wonder whether medication is prescribed as a form of punishment to prolong the pain based on a stereotype or usual institutionalised opinion!

Driven by the will to live, we know now that fear, pain and panic serve to warn us when something is not quite right. And this natural process serves us well when we have people to trust on making professional decisions to that end. But when the budget doesn't cover or when diagnoses are based on stereotypes and racism, accidental overdose and public trauma are expressed in the stage of our public health system.

Now I'm thinking OMG, what would happen if the flu becomes resistant to antibiotics? Panadol.... no not really, I've got the jab!

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Dont drop your guard, covid-19 is hanging around †